m' life

my life is a bore...nothing interesting for me to talk about...everyday is the same, routine and boring. I think i'm getting quite sick of it. Nothing but study study study homework homework homework, argh....sometimes wish i could burn all my homework and my school if i could. seems so wicked but it's true. I appear to be playing all the time to others, they say that that i don't have any worries, cos i'm smiling and grinning and laughing all the time but how would they know that i'm not suffering as much as they are? Maybe even more than they are. I worry worry worry all the time but it doesn't mean that i have to report everything i think to others, does it? sigh....it's a Saturday and i should be staying home to do some revisions but i have to go to school instead to do some preparation for the competition stuff. I'm really falling behind in my studies. Wonder if it was right letting them pull me into this competition in the first place. well...look the time...really running late...they'll kill me for sure...

memory loss or just serious forgetfulness?

i jus got to know something.....i recieved a call last night. What's so surprising or alarming about that? Well, the thing is i didn't know...to be exact, i don't remember(ah...lost that little part of my memory). What's happening to me? i can't even recall on recieving any call from anyone last night. What if it was something important? and i don even remember the call, not to mention what i replied or say to the person who called. I think i'm really on the brink of going nuts. My memory is deteriorating even faster than i think....and i'm jus barely 18. I won't mind if this is the first time.....to be truthful, this has been going on for quite some times already. I also keep on forgetting where i put things and the things that i should do. At times, i run from downstairs to upstairs, jus to forget what i wanted to do when i reach the top....i know this isn't genetics, so what is it?

school days are back

school has started these few days. homeworks and revisions are piling in non-stop. Feel pretty sick these days about the life that i have to go through, don know why, jus have that heavy feeling on my chest. Don't even have the heart to study or do my homework. In class, i tried to listen....but....all i got was some stupid sleepiness that kept on bothering me. Don't know what's wrong. No matter how hard i tried, i can't seemed to concentrate. Maybe i've been holidaying for too long. what to do? i know if i don overcome this problem soon, i'll jus be left behind in class and i don wan that to happen cos my parents have high hopes on me(mum's been nagging). Pressure is starting to get to me....to think that this is jus the start of it(like...start of the term only?).....oh no!!!

so little time 4 so many things 2 do

this morning i got up at 7 something...only 4 hours of sleep. Oh my gosh...didn't even know how i managed to reach school(stayed there the whole morning). Some more untyped work....good thing i didn't finish it too cos if i did it would mean that i wouldn't have gotten any sleep at all. I'm not the one to torture myself. Anyway...thank God for i was spared although i didn't finish my job. My last chance-finish it tonight. Then my whole afternoon was a blurr....didn't do the typing at the time cos my brother was nearly hysterical at me(claims that i was always using the comp, and caused him to miss him time with his computer games). So he kinda kicked me away then claimed his property. When it was evening, i went out with my father to listen to some evangalist preach gospel. Quite meaningful actually. Quoting from the bible verses and using them to tell ppl how to live in peace, especially how to live as a harmonious family and to gain everlasting love. Most of the verses were from the book of Ephesians(from the new testimone)-about how a husband should treat his wife vice versa; how parents should treat(discipline)their children vice versa; and etc etc etc...He even talked about how to get saved(eternal life in heaven)through christ. The first essential thing is to believe-that chirst died to save us etc and to have faith, to change over etc. By the time i reached home, it was already 10 something. So little time to do so much work. Well, enough blogging....better get on with my work now.

Dead tired...sleepy too

It's now wee hours in the morning....been typing since the night before. I'm now extremely tired and exhaushted. Sore all over(thanks to my stupid lausy plastic chair) and my wrist hurts from all the non-stop typing(feels like as if it'll break off any moment now)...still got 14 more type of engineering jobs(the things that i have to type)to go. Not to mention that i keep on typing wrong words too. Getting annoyed. Should i go on or should i just go to sleep? A hard decision to make.....it's due by 830 later today. Hmm....go to sleep then wake up few hours later to finish off my typing? Would i be able to finish it in time if i do so? Even worst...would i be able to wake up if i go to slumber land? But then if i don't go to sleep...would i be typing through the night, not getting any sleep at all? Argghhh...(i'm really going nuts now)....eyelids are dropping...must keep awake...where is my coffee?....zzz....

Another day passed

The end of another day....quite tired(and to think that i have to stay up all night to type some stuff for some competition-still lots to go...aiyo), with all the walking around the shopping mall and stuff. I don't quite like going out, prefer staying at home. So why did i go out, just walking around, not doing any shopping(not me anyway)? Sounds boring, but it was some kind of farewell for a friend who's going away tomorrow for futher studies. His girl friend said that she's happy that he's going away...but i doubt it because she kept on asking him if he'll miss her(and punched him whenever he said that he won't miss her). There were only the three of us and i felt like their light bulb. So i walked a little distance away. They had some secret sweet talk which they didn't want to reveal to me, making me curious. Anyway, they were quite an entertaining pair, both of them. We had some KFC, goggled at some pirated VCD's, bought a handphone cover and that was all. Gonna miss him, that guy. Wish i was as lucky, to be able to go out into the world and not stay here to do form six. God has his plans i guess, so God...i plea to u...let my future be a good one, a one i'll like(better pray hard).

First blog

really....don't know what actually drove me to do this- to blog. I guess i just suddenly had the feeling of wanting to pour out my heart somewhere...and not the somewhere like writing on a piece of paper and being found by my family members. I had a thought- why do we live in this world? why do we strive for something? what is the purpose? what is the reason for living? we work, sleep, eat, laugh, have fun, then die? so where lies the purpose of my existence? Sometimes when i face troubles, have worries, i still have to put on a smiling face, be enthusiatic. It's as if i'm not myself anymore-fake. I socialise with poeple, but what are we thinking about each other? cursing under all the smiling faces? Fake world....all is so unreal...even myself. Don't think i know myself sometimes. How many me is there inside? Maybe i'm just tired of life? Forgive me God..but why did God make me? sigh....hope i will be over this 'down' feeling soon....