my sem 2

Yup, exams are over at last. What a relief. time sure flies by, in no time at all, i've finished the theory part of sem 2 and will be going for my two months clinicals next week. I'll be applying what i've been learning for this and last sem in the hospitals. Hope that i'll be able to do better this time round. as for what i've learnt this sem...basic medical sciences II, microbiology, pharmacology, health assessment and communicable diseases. It's like nurses have to know at least a little about everything and anything....i learnt about reproduction system etc. and about sexually transmitted diseases which can spread through all types of sexual practices, etc. and always practice safe sex, condom. Like what my lecturer says "who knows where the mouth goes and etc...." and i was like =.= and O.o what the heck?!!?? and even had classes on how to use condoms. the lecturer says that so that we can teach our patients next time....see, the things that i or more accurately, nurses have to learn...sigh....anyways, talking about nurses reminds me of a friend of mine. He told me that i am his first friend to take up nursing. He complained that i ruined his or practically every boy's dream. Why? Cause he said that all boys had dreams that nurses are all pretty and gentle and nice and etc. and wouldn't mind going to the hospital and stuff...but now that me, his friend, has taken up nursing, he was like...what? and he says that i'm definitely not for nursing as i'm fat, flat and like a barrel. lolz. ugly some more, not to mention about my behaviors and characteristics. yup, so that's how it is. I told him that he had been dreaming too much and that it is my job to bring him back to reality....lolz...anyways, he told me that he'd like to whack me and throw me to some graveyard in foochow (his language is really =.=) okies, enough blogging, i need to go back and do some packing for my clinicals.....>.< haven't started to pack yet....i'm always so late minute....

a test i did on 'just between friends'

here are the results:

Supportive Sidekick

You know who we're talking about — the champion consoler, the person you can always count on, the person who knows how to clean up even after the biggest emotional superspill of your life. This friend gives you a one-on-one rush like no other. This confidante for all seasons can probably even read your mind just a little. Or don't you remember the last time they finished a sentence for you?Lucky for you, your supportive sidekick can probably guess what your next dreams will be before you even do. It must be nice to know you have a tireless supporter and coach in your midst, someone you can tell anything to who always has your best interests in mind and a smile to cheer you up. How sweet!

Yup, i agree...very much so....lolz

test is over

friday at last, what a relief. although i'll probably fail most of it but i guess no use crying over split milk (as my mom always says) *shrugs*. I'll just have to work harder next time and by the will of God, may i excel in my studies. Anyways, the nigerian guy kept calling last night and even sent me strange sms telling me things like he loves me etc. Yuck right? Definitely yucky. Ain't my life 'interesting'? Oh well, something to learn from i guess. Boy am i glad that these kinds of things don't come around everyday....

nigerian guy

hmm....i'm still ignoring him and he is still calling and messaging me. Through sms, he asked me to come down to the poolside or go to his place. He even assured me that he would not "make love to me". yah right, as if i'm going to take any notice of him. I just hope i dont meet him. It has been nerve wrecking to walk back from the uni, i have to be constantly on the lookout, scraed that i would run into him, then that would be so so so very unlucky.....

how bad can my life get?

buzzzz.....my head is really spining and throbbing like hell. First of all are my exams, that is the main stressor in itself. Then, my dad had to undergo an eye sugery (monday) - more worries and concern (he's okay now, resting - thank God). And as if all that is not enough, i had to have this strange encounter with a Nigerian guy. Well, it's something like this - monday night, i had to attend some society meeting. My housemate didn't want to go, so fine, i went with some other friends ( not staying in the same area as me). So when it all ended around 8 something, i had to go back alone. On the way back, since i would be passing by a minimarket, i went in to buy bread for the second day. While i was there, there was also this Nigerian guy buying something else. He started smiling at me so i thought 'what the heck?' and smiled back as i thought it impolite to not smile back when people smile at you - and man, was that the biggest mistake i've ever made for the year. He happened to live in the same block and so we took the same path to the lifts. He started talking to me, so fine, i gave short replies. When we got to the lifts, he started asking me for my number. Trust me, i didn't want to give my number at all, especially to a stranger. But he kept pestering me and stood closer and closer to me. There was no one there and i was practically sandwiched between the wall and him. He was so close till our shoulders touched. So having no choice, i had to give him my number. He even called on the spot to checked if it was the right number (he glanced at my handphone to make sure his number was on the screen). So then we went into the lift, at his level, before he went off, he even pat/touched my shoulder and said that he'll call me. I was totally freaked out and scared. Good thing nothing too serious happened. I was so alarmed that i had to talk to someone. I didn't know what to do. One of my housemate was asleep and the other was not back yet. First thing i thought about was to talk to my friend. Good thing i have a good friend to talk to (handphone). It did help and calmed me down a bit but i was in shock. I tried calling my sis but as usual =.= she slept early and when she is asleep she turns off her phone. And my mom was not around. That night i was totally disorientated and couldn't concentrate on my studies at all. I keep dropping things, my heart beated like more than hundred times per minute and my chest felt tight. It was a horrible experience. These few days he called and sms me but i ignored him. I did sent him two sms to tell him to stop contacting me, after that, i totally ignored him. He keep calling (didn't answer) and sending sms saying things like - asking where am i, he wants to see my smiling face again, not to ignore him, and even to the extent of asking me to his place O.o gosh, it's freaky alright. I told my friends about it. They were concerned. It put them on alert too. By the way, i feel better about it now. I'll be ignoring him completely and hope that he'll get bored of it soon. Anyways, as expected the paper for the second day - i think i flunked it. My mind was totally blank. That morning also, our prof. gave us a scolding about our conduct, not being professional etc etc etc *sigh* i really have no comment for things happening to me anymore. Oh ya, and i already told my mom about the Nigerian guy incident. She's shocked and told me off for not being careful enough and for being too naive...etc etc etc...well, i've learnt my lesson. Hopefully nothing else goes wrong....have class in fifteen minutes time...gotta go...

wireless in uni (yeah) & more depression (no yeah)

yeah~~i can now actually use my laptop to online with my uni's wireless service (as i'm doing now). That makes lots of things easier for me, for one thing, i can use msn. lolz. Anyways, things are getting more and more hectic and stressful for me. Exams are just around the corner (next week), after that, week 2 will be my trial OSCE, and after that, the following week (week 3) i'll be starting my clinicals. That'll last for two whole months, and in those 2 months, on top of all the revising, i'll also be having clinical assessments and assignments (was totally stressed-out when my lecturer brief us on our assessments). After my clinicals, i'll only be having a short study week before my end of semester exams with the real OSCE (and it's not spaced out). I'm as good as dead after all these. My head keeps throbbing and throbbing....sometimes, i feel like screaming and sometimes i feel like crying.....seriously, i'm on the brink of going insane...nuts, mad, cracked, and soon, i'll be over the edge..falling and falling and falling till i "pulp" hit the bottom then i'm no more....see.....i am already not in my right mind.....>.< yup, now i'm depressed again, just don't understand why my mood swings can be so extreme.....*sigh*....

here again

i've been blogging quite often nowadays, haven't i? It has turned into something daily and routine for me. I think it might be because i've got no one to talk to - meaning my mom. She's not at home (off for vacation) and i can't phone her to tell her all the stuff. And i like to do that, i like to blab about all types of things happening to me to my mom - big things, little things, interesting things and even the boring things.....blah blah blah.....i think sometimes i'm so long-winded till my mom gets sick of it. She'll always end the conversation with sometime like "okay, it's very expensive. Study hard and take care..." Well, i am a very talkative person ma...hahazz...opps...they say doing maintenance now...so gotta go...=)

more on blood donation

today some more of my friends went to donate their blood. I was there for moral support *grins* (more like being a busy body actually) and while i was there, i asked one of the nurses there the size of the needle used....it was 16 gauge O.o (i was right, it was more than 18g). Oh, and since one of my lecturer was there too to donate her blood, i took the opportunity to get some short lectures on injections from her. Haha. I found out that the first injection they gave before poking in the big needle was local anaesthetics which was to numb the pain as such a big needle (16g!!) will be punctured inside our arm. It was given intradermally (under our skin). I saw the belb (little whitish bulge) appearing as my lecturer said it would. It was quite cool and i will be learning how to do that...haha...=) Though it would be definitely be some time before i master the technique but i'm still looking forward to it. hehe. oh, and the stress thingy, well, i'll be alright, i'll just have to excercise my coping mechanisms a bit more than normal.....i need to be stronger. Shouldn't be too big a problem, i'm still alive =p remember to pray for me....thanks in advance..haha....

blood donation

Enough of the stupid disequilibrium stuff, i'm going to ignore, ignore and ignore it. Let's talk about something else...hmm....today i went to donate my blood - for the very very 1st time. Don't think i am normal today. Usually i probably would have hesitated, but today - what the heck. So, anyways.....i donated 450cc (one bag) of my blood. My blood group is B+. Feels good, it's a new experience. Was nervous and excited at the same time. Of course i ate first. For registration purposes, i had to fill in some form, then checked blood group, tested if the iron in my blood is enough or not, checked blood pressure...then had to line up to wait for my turn. When it was, i laid on a make-shift bed, probably a stretcher or something like that. Had something injected in me (not sure what, didn't ask), after that, they use a big needle (probably 18 gauge, i think at least 18 gauge =.= and trust me, it's BIG) to puncture my right median cubital vein....that's the right arm part. Took 10-15 minutes for blood to fill the bag. Had some food and warm milo. Recieved gifts too, a pen (with "i am a blood donor" written on it =p), a tin of 100 plus and two cloud 9. And now i officially have a blood donating booklet. hahazz...opps...having a class soon..=) gotta go >.<

note: a bit painful when poking the needle in but still bearable. now still painful. as for feeling dizzy or faint...none...hehe...i'm a healthy baby =)

Internal State in Disequilibrium =(

Sigh....So many things occupying and bothering my mind these days. Everything so jumbled up inside me. What to do??!!! I feel so fustrated, mostly with myself. Stupid, i can't even concentrate properly on my revisions and i'm having tests just in one week time. Lots of which i haven't even touched on yet. I should just ignore the stupid things that keep popping up in my mind, and concentrate solely on my studies!! and group work, and assignments, and my two-monthed clinical posting that is starting on 2nd April....uurrrgghhhhh.....If only i could just programme myself like a robot and ignore all of my stupid emotions and all the stupid distractions. Maybe i should try self-hypnosis. I know it's wishful thinking....Humans are complicated beings. Why cant they just stay naïve and ignorant and innocent?? Can't they stay simple and sweet? Why so complicated? It's only making life harder. Everything is just so beyond comprehension. Sigh...that's why i hate thinking so much and that many a times, i'd rather choose not to think about things, once i do start....the end results are usually like this.....headache....looks like i'm down in the pits again, sigh, it's like an old disease that keeps creeping back >.< help me please, God.....=(

Note for anyone who knows me and is reading this -> just ignore me >( because i think if i dont let all of this out somewhere....i'll honestly go bonkers.

00:00am
12th March 2007

Injections

Have been having lectures on giving injections for the past one week and yesterday was when i really had a chance to jab, i mean on the manikins. I drew the medications and when to 'mdm buttocks' where i had to find where to give the injection and then jab the fake buttocks. It all went well, that is till i started to take my needle and syringe. I didn't mean to and couldn't control it, but my hands went shaking and trembling. My lecturer kept staring at me and said "Oh~~Bi-bi-a-na~, look at your hands...you're not going to jab your patients like that. You've got the right spot (cause the alarm will go off if jabbed at the wrong place, and it didn't when i jabbed) but your hands! Go and jab, jab, jab till your hands are stable." Oh well, then i apologised to mdm buttocks then continue jabbing my orange *laughs* well, that's all i have to share for the time being, have to go cell group now......=p

leave me alone

that is what one of my best of friends said to me...it hurted a lot and still does...don't ask who. Maybe that friend didn't mean it as i took it but it's still painful to recieve that from a close friend.

exams again soon

CNY 07 is over, and coming up is more studies and assignments. Lots of stuff to study, understand and remember. Lots of people around me seem depressed and stressed. Some even fall sick to the extent of vomitting and having diarrhoea. As for me, i do try to revise but i cant seem to get myself to concentrate properly. My mind wanders off and i always end up doing something else instead. I know this isn't right, i'm all grown up and somehow independent already...I should not behave like this. I should have self-motivation, control and discipline over myself....*sigh*.....sometimes, i ask myself "why am i like this? why cant i be like other people...they are studying so hard..." i'm hopeless.....=(